Not Always a Joy

It has now been 10 weeks since I first started learning the violin, tomorrow will be my tenth lesson. During the first two weeks, violin was all I could think about. I knew it would wear off but I went with the flow and enjoyed every bit of the excitement while it lasted. Then came several weeks of complete disappointment, there was nothing I could play that made me feel good about my playing. It all sounded terrible and the old violin that I had wasn't set up well which left me sore and miserable. Our trip to Portland was very fun and somewhat inspiring, I came home armed with my new violin but sadly the sounds I pulled out of it were still very disappointing. I began to identify with a few of my piano students who often show up less than inspired in spite of the dedication put into practicing or with others, who no matter what I give them to work on can't seem to find the interest to practice. One day it occurred to me that I was not keeping up with good practice habits which I knew and understood well when I play the piano but for some reason they were escaping me at the violin. I found myself playing from beginning to end of each song over and over! The problem with that is by the time you get to the end you don't remember what need worked on at the beginning so instead of improving each time you play, you play badly over and over and over...I tell my piano students all the time that you must not play from beginning to end over and over but rather break the piece into sections and work over each section carefully. I was delighted to have discovered my own fault in practicing, now perhaps I will be able to move forward with more interest. Each song I work on has a sticky note to remind me which section I'm to work on during the week. I have found since then that practicing though still a discipline is much more enjoyable when I have a bite sized goal to work on each time. Like many things in life learning an instrument is difficult, requires discipline, it's rewarding, but it is not always a joy. Because it is not always a joy I often have to fight the urge to skip a day of practice here and there.

For any of you out there who are trying to learn an instrument or perhaps some other skill, or maybe it is that you are trying to include something new in your daily schedule like taking a walk, reading your Bible, or eating fruit for breakfast instead of ice cream(yes, that too is one of my weaknesses)...more than half the battle takes place in reaching your hand forward to do the task. Once you have done that, the rest comes much more readily. I know that once I get my violin into my hands that practicing doesn't seem so difficult, it's just that getting to the violin and picking it up seems so difficult. As far as it being a joy, I know that for now it does not have to be the most joyous activity, some things, like the violin, are just tough. Someday if I press on, if I can just keep reaching out my hand and picking up the instrument day after day after day, it will become a joy for me and for those who listen.

Another key thing is to not compare oneself with others. It is easy to look at someone else and say "wow, they play so easily" or "look, he memorizes a chapter of the Bible each week". Instead, I must look at myself and take bite size that suites my own mouth. If it takes me all month to learn a simple song in tune, then I should be well pleased when I finally accomplish my task well and thankful to Yahweh that He has helped me.

A long day in the life of me.

I didn't feel like doing anything today, not sure what's up with that. When lack of motivation strikes what is one to do? I woke at the reasonable time of 6:30 and hopped right out of bed. I made straight for the kitchen and juiced 9 carrots, a huge beet greens and all, 3 stalks of celery, 5 small cucumbers, half of a yellow pepper, and an apple. With a breakfast like that I should have felt ready for the long day of hard work that lay ahead(and for those of you who are wondering if I drank all that juice by myself, no I did not, I shared with dad and mom). Next I headed for the barn but somehow I ended up sitting in dad's office(which, by the way is in the opposite direction) when I should have been milking the goats. I did eventually make it out to the barn a half hour late. After coming back in and cleaning the kitchen the "blahs" hit. I was determined to go outside and get something done but since I was feeling uninspired I asked dad to assign me a job! He gave me a few things to do and it's a good thing they were quick and easy because half way into the first job I was BORED and it was hot. I followed with a few chores of my own choosing and gave them 100% of my half hearted effort. By 1 in the afternoon I was fed up so I showered and set up my sewing station to do some mending. I mended one skirt in about 10 minutes then got sidetracked by the fabric supply in the sewing room which proved to be somewhat productive since I was able to sort out a few things that needed to go away. I never found the dream piece of fabric to make a new dress from but I did manage to cover every surface in the living room with pieces of clothing and cloth.

Somehow in the middle of that I started thinking about FOOD! Homemade bread and nutty crackers, yum! Last time I had thought to make bread I could not find my favorite recipe but I was pretty certain I knew where to find the cracker recipe. So I abandoned the sewing machine, the clothing scattered all over the place, and the boxes in the sewing room for the recipe shelf in the kitchen. To my delight I found both the bread and cracker recipe together! I set to digging out the grains, nuts, and seeds that make the yummiest bread and crackers.

Now as it's getting to be evening, the crackers are finished and the bread is rising. I still feel like a slug but at least sometime in the next hour I'll be a slug full of the yummiest bread ever. Then with the way I feel, perhaps I should take a nap...maybe I should have taken a nap this morning at 11 when the thought first crossed my mind...on the other hand would I have found my favorite bread recipe if I had taken a nap?...come to think of it, I can't take a nap(exasperated sigh), I have a big mess to clean up!