Trust

I’d like to apologize in advance for the extreme length of this blog post. I tried my best to say it in as few words as possible…L.O.L.

I would like to share my Sukkot 2011 planning experience and how Yahweh has been teaching me to trust Him. It’s easy to say “yes, I trust Yahweh” when life goes according to your own plans. What about when He withholds your desires from you or puts off answering your prayers till the very last minute?

When our family plans a trip or feast we generally began planning many months in advance. Often if a plan is presented at the last minute we scrap the entire idea as we probably don’t have the funds or time set aside, sometimes we need a house sitter or animal sitter, so all that to say we don’t feel prepared unless we really are prepared.

We had been planning to keep Sukkot 2011 in Indiana with YRM assemblies after keeping it there in 2010 and having a good time. We spent the months of October, November, and December basking in the good memories of the past feast and realizing that we really wanted to return there for 2011. In January we called to make reservations on the lodging we rented the previous feast and were surprised to hear that it was not available with such advanced noticed. The fact that someone beat us to the reservation by one day would later play a big part in our willingness to doubt Yahweh’s plans for us this feast.

We weren’t worried that we didn’t have “set in stone” plans just yet. We still had months to research and find other lodging. Instead we planned as well as we could and searched for other lodging that would be suitable. Last year when we planned our Sukkot trip we learned about a month ahead of time that everything we needed was in place for us to attend the feast so we figured something similar would happen.

We had a few worries about other details: Sukkot was falling later in Autumn this year meaning that we would have to drive over mountain passes that could be prone to winter conditions. Also, gas prices had increased causing our feast budget to be several hundred dollars short. Then there were fears that plagued us: what if a national disaster happened while we are 2000 miles from home base, stranding us. We talked about our fears and worries all year long.

By August we began to wonder if our hopes of driving to Indiana were realistic. We believed that if Yahweh wanted us somewhere else then He would let us know with enough time to prepare. At this point, in our minds, that meant a month ahead. We began asking Yahweh if He wanted us to go somewhere else.

It had been a LONG time since we had the much desired ‘in person’ fellowship with like-minded believers. We were willing to consider a change if it was going to be for the best and if it meant building relationships with nearby believers. In August we made a special trip to a nearby NW state to visit a family we had only spoken to by phone and email. We had been meaning to meet them last year but it just kept getting put off till here a year later we were finally going to meet them. We spent most of a Sabbath with them and really enjoyed our time with them. I began formulating an idea that perhaps they would be a good family with whom to keep the feast, it seemed as though we had some good things in common. We also had a few other feast sites in mind as possibilities but that we didn’t know a lot about. Weeks passed and we didn’t have any plans. Mom and I made a pros and cons list and it seemed that staying close to home had all the pros this year. After a family meeting we were all very excited about staying near home and networking with others in the Northwest. We had called the aforementioned family to see if they would like to gather with us if they didn’t have plans already. They would get back to us later, so the waiting and trusting continued.

Meanwhile we were still searching the internet daily for evidence of suitable lodging in Indiana and also looking for ways to make the trip less of a financial strain in case that is what Yahweh was still asking us to do. As time got closer I began feeling the pull to go to Indiana. It didn’t really make much sense, after all I still had that pros and cons list which proved that staying in the NW was better. I began to feel really uneasy as the time closed in to less than two weeks from our leaving date and we didn’t have an answer from anywhere. I just felt so helpless. One evening I asked my mom to help me make a new list, not “pros vs. cons’ rather “the wonderful blessings of being able to keep the feast at all”. For all I knew we’d be keeping the feast at the park a block away. I knew that no matter what happened I had to praise Yahweh where He sends me and if it ends up being somewhere I don’t want to go, that doesn’t matter as much as being obedient to Him.

I prayed every day and sometimes several times per day that Yahweh would direct us and help us to listen to His guidance. I also sent prayer requests to friends asking them to pray for Yahweh to open and close doors. I really began feeling that Indiana was where we should go and I knew that Yahweh had to be the one to do it because the facts looked really discouraging. A week from our departure date we still had no answers of any kind. I wondered if Yahweh even cared what we chose, maybe He didn’t…, perhaps we should just pick somewhere and just go…He didn’t seem to answer us either way.

There was a lot of prep work to be done before we could go anywhere so I was working very hard trying to clean out the gardens, build winter food storage, pick and preserve veggies, pack for the trip, prepare the animals and their food and someone to feed them while we would be gone. We just weren’t prepared to go anywhere let alone across the country.

Thinking about Sukkot was wearing me out, I didn’t even want to think about it anymore, I just wanted somebody to tell me when a decision had been made. Finally, five days left, a Tuesday: we received an email from our friends saying they would not be available to keep the feast with us this year but would like to fellowship sometime after Sukkot. You cannot imagine the joy I felt from reading that email! It was joy because I knew that even though it was a NO, it was an answer of some kind! I had a spring in my step for the rest of the day and the following day as well. I kept praying.

Dad mentioned that we should come to a decision on Thursday about where we would go. On Wednesday while getting some outside work done dad made it sound as if we had at least 3 options before us including Indiana. By the time Thursday got here he sounded much more skeptical about Indiana and I understood exactly why. Everything we did, all the effort and inquiries toward going to Indiana were fruitless. After discussing it at length we were all 99% convinced that Yahweh did not want us to go to Indiana and that we should stop asking and consider the other options. Thursday night we took a vote and there seemed to be one choice ahead of us. It wasn’t a bad choice but for some reason we could not make a decision at that time. I told dad that I didn’t want to go to bed until we had made a choice and he said “you are going to be up all night then”. I gave in and went to bed. Next morning, Friday: I wandered into Dad’s office after a few chores just to see what he was doing. After a few minutes he announced to me that in the night he received an email confirming that we could have an RV delivered to our feast location in Indiana and all for a very reasonable price. He seemed to be waiting for a response….I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. Hadn’t we already decided that Yahweh said NO? I didn’t even know what to feel or say so instead I asked, “so, now what are we going to do?” He seemed hesitant to give an answer. I went back to my work which was still a list a mile long that had to be complete before we could leave on Sunday. I felt hopeful that Yahweh was just testing our trust, maybe it wasn’t so much that He was saying “no” as He was saying “wait”. Dad came out and found me in the garden to tell me that we would go to Indiana but we’d have to pack a lot of camping supplies for the RV. It wasn’t the ideal situation, traveling 4500 miles in a mini van with bedrolls, pots and pans, silverware, towels, and who knows what else we would need. But hey, how could we complain, we were going to Sukkot in Indiana! We postponed our leaving date from Sunday to Monday to give just a bit more prep time. Sunday’s activities were filled with everything from making food, to packing the van, to burying root crops in a cold storage pit. By 8:00 PM we were ready to hit the road. Once again Dad came and found me in the garden(yes, I was gardening by moonlight) and said we had to unpack the car. I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, I figured he was joking as he likes to do. It turned out he had received and email in the last hour from a man who could rent us a fully furnished house for even less than we were going to pay for the RV. So, we did have to unpack most of the car, removing all the camping gear, kitchen supplies, and bedding. We were all kind of stunned by the provision that Yahweh had sent at the last minute. I never would have dreamed that anything like this could happen. Not only were we going to Indiana but Yahweh gave us a house!

Yahweh’s fingerprints were all over our feast plans and all over our feast! From the tears cried, the friends made, the sermons preached, it seemed to be custom fitted to our family. We had been worried about the finances, yet, thanks to Yahweh, we stayed within our budget, within $50. I really feel that Yahweh wanted me to trust Him, believing that He had a plan and had my best interest in mind from the start even though He waited until the very last minute to show me the plan. This lesson is not to be forgotten. Yahweh wants each of us to trust in more areas of our lives. This includes persisting in prayer. The last minute is what really stands out to me in the lesson Yahweh is trying to teach. If he gave us the answer back in January we would not have had to trust Him. So even though he used the feast to introduce a new level of trust to my weak human self, I see how He desires me to trust in much deeper areas of my life. I’m so thankful that He cares more about my life than even I do. Praise be to Yahweh!

Not Always a Joy

It has now been 10 weeks since I first started learning the violin, tomorrow will be my tenth lesson. During the first two weeks, violin was all I could think about. I knew it would wear off but I went with the flow and enjoyed every bit of the excitement while it lasted. Then came several weeks of complete disappointment, there was nothing I could play that made me feel good about my playing. It all sounded terrible and the old violin that I had wasn't set up well which left me sore and miserable. Our trip to Portland was very fun and somewhat inspiring, I came home armed with my new violin but sadly the sounds I pulled out of it were still very disappointing. I began to identify with a few of my piano students who often show up less than inspired in spite of the dedication put into practicing or with others, who no matter what I give them to work on can't seem to find the interest to practice. One day it occurred to me that I was not keeping up with good practice habits which I knew and understood well when I play the piano but for some reason they were escaping me at the violin. I found myself playing from beginning to end of each song over and over! The problem with that is by the time you get to the end you don't remember what need worked on at the beginning so instead of improving each time you play, you play badly over and over and over...I tell my piano students all the time that you must not play from beginning to end over and over but rather break the piece into sections and work over each section carefully. I was delighted to have discovered my own fault in practicing, now perhaps I will be able to move forward with more interest. Each song I work on has a sticky note to remind me which section I'm to work on during the week. I have found since then that practicing though still a discipline is much more enjoyable when I have a bite sized goal to work on each time. Like many things in life learning an instrument is difficult, requires discipline, it's rewarding, but it is not always a joy. Because it is not always a joy I often have to fight the urge to skip a day of practice here and there.

For any of you out there who are trying to learn an instrument or perhaps some other skill, or maybe it is that you are trying to include something new in your daily schedule like taking a walk, reading your Bible, or eating fruit for breakfast instead of ice cream(yes, that too is one of my weaknesses)...more than half the battle takes place in reaching your hand forward to do the task. Once you have done that, the rest comes much more readily. I know that once I get my violin into my hands that practicing doesn't seem so difficult, it's just that getting to the violin and picking it up seems so difficult. As far as it being a joy, I know that for now it does not have to be the most joyous activity, some things, like the violin, are just tough. Someday if I press on, if I can just keep reaching out my hand and picking up the instrument day after day after day, it will become a joy for me and for those who listen.

Another key thing is to not compare oneself with others. It is easy to look at someone else and say "wow, they play so easily" or "look, he memorizes a chapter of the Bible each week". Instead, I must look at myself and take bite size that suites my own mouth. If it takes me all month to learn a simple song in tune, then I should be well pleased when I finally accomplish my task well and thankful to Yahweh that He has helped me.

To garden or not to garden?

Is that the question of late or not?! I'm sure that there are places all over where gardening is the last thing on people's minds but here in Moses Lake we have had sunny day after sunny day. The greenhouse doesn't even think of getting below freezing anymore even on cold nights. Sadly for the cats that used to live in there(I booted them out to the barn) I have filled most of the shelves with trays of seedlings. I started feeling a little anxious after starting over 500 tomatoes, 200 peppers, and several hundreds of flowers and greens. And no, I couldn't stop there when I ran out of starter pots I ordered enough to fill every crack and cranny of that greenhouse with starts...the only problem now is that when all those starts outgrow their cell pots I will have to transplant them into 4 inch pots so somehow between now and transplanting time I need to come up with a way to expand my greenhouse capacity by four times! Next week I plan to put up a mini grow tunnel made of 3 or 4 PVC pipes bent into half circles and covered with plastic. I don't know how many plant will fit into that but it will surely relieve the greenhouse of some of the expansion difficulties. Thankfully last year uncle Tony gave me nearly 5000 4 inch pots so I don't think I'll run out of those. Perhaps you could call me a planting addict. :D

So what do I do when I become overwhelmed by my own life that when it becomes so full that I don't think I can take anymore? Usually I end the day with a great big deep breath and I tell myself, "just one moment at a time, Yahweh will give me the grace to deal with this moment and each moment just one at a time." 2 Corinthians 12:9
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Yahshua may rest upon me." So what Yahweh gives me is all I need. If it feels like too much, it's likely that I'm wrong because surely Yahweh is not! I'm not supposed to be worrying over tomorrow anyway. Matthew 6:34 says "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself." Sometimes just knowing that I shouldn't be worrying isn't enough to bring my racing mind at night calm down enough for sleep. This is truly where prayer and sometime focusing on a specific verse is helpful. One lesson I've learned from being a bit of a worrier is that no matter how busy, overwhelming, or painful life gets, the sun still rises in the morning and life still goes on. Yahweh gives me the strength to move through whatever it is that lies in my path each day.

My life today...

Life doesn't seem to slow down much these days. Every day is packed full of the many things that must be done. Psalm 104:23 "Man goeth forth unto his work and to his labour until the evening." Yesterday I slept in unintentionally but once I was up I ended up working pretty much nonstop for 12 hours. Somehow that doesn't seem right to me but there is certain work that can't wait for me while I take a break. Even though I was beat at the end of the day I feel that Yahweh approves, after all He is the one who seems to be putting this work before me, I know that I didn't ask for it! I don't mind really, at least not right now. Sure there are times when I feel like pulling my hair out(usually when the day is late and I'm tired). In the long run, I know it's Yahweh who has given me the work and and for that reason I feel much more content doing it willingly and joyfully. Colossians 3:23 "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;"